unspeakable questions

There are many situations in life where, as an orchestra member- and not just- tact and a little bit of common sense make a huge difference. The situation I need to talk about today is- and, honestly, this will be as good for me as an hour of psychotherapy- how to answer the  questions I get from non-musicians. It`s not that I don`t like providing information because I understand educating as part of my profession; I also truly like people. But after a lifetime of playing in one orchestra or another, the questions don`t change and I must  increasingly control myself to give a polite- or even civil - answer.  So, once and for all, I want to deal with the questions that make me want to scream in frustration. Here we go:

1.) "Oh you`re a musician? Oh, that`s sooo nice. But what do you do in the daytime?"

This the the all-time classic. I hate this question, because it shows an absolute ignorance of our job structure. The answer is:  "Well, on the days we`re not rehearsing, I have to practice the music for this week and for the upcoming projects, and for my chamber music as well. However, since we often have six-hour rehearsal sessions, I have to practice after the rehearsal or at night." The fact is: we work in the daytime, like any other group of individuals who are in service to the public, as well as at night.( I often get home after work after midnight and am up again at 6.30  in the morning to prepare for the morning rehearsal.)  We also work on the weekends, but that comes under question number two.

2.) "How many hours a week do you work?"

This can vary; for a  "normal" week with a workload of  eight to nine rehearsals or concerts, with preparation, I answer," about fourty hours." My interrogator then nods with a kind of self-satisfied grin- aha, he or she is thinking, they do really do something for their money. Money is NEVER asked  about - everybody probably assumes that we make a fortune, just because certain critics in the local media have been harping on this theme for years. "The Basel orchestra musicians earn a lordly salary". I guess that depends what you consider lordly, though we`re also not paupers.  I`m certain that these folks would not get up on a Sunday morning at six to go to work and return that night at nine without asking for extra pay. We don`t. They certainly wouldn`t accept having to work at times up to 16 days at a stretch  without a free day. We do. Like others who work in public service- tram amd bus drivers, police and firemen, hospital employees and others,  our working hours and pay are regulated by contract. But does anybody ever dare ask a doctor what he does when he`s not in the clinic? Huh?

3.) "Have you heard your competition lately?"

This question really ticks me off.

I go to a lot of concerts, as a matter of working on my perception and for love of music. In the last months I`ve heard the Tonhalle Orchestra, the Mariinsky Orchestra, Südwestfunk Orchestra, La Cetra, the Royal Philharmonic, Basel Sinfonietta, Kammerorchester Basel. I am not a slouch when it comes to listening to what other folks do and how they do it. But none of them come anywhere near to being competition to Sinfonieorchester Basel! Why? Because none of them do half of the things we do every week. These are mostly either orchestras that only play concerts and never any operas, ballets, choral concerts or crossovers, or they`re orchestras that perform only in a number of working sessions, which means to me less than 100%. Please stop asking me this question: in all honesty, I find it disrespectful.

4.) "How is it for you when you have  different conductors? Can you follow him (or her)?"

This is a prize question. To answer it, I generally ask the asker`s profession. If it`s a doctor I ask him if he has to get used to every patient he sees every day. Because- like a good doctor- we know our jobs and are prepared to deal whatever is standing in front of us. The situation sometimes arrives when a conductor is not in a position to lead a concert as he`d like, due to whatever reasons- inexperience, stage fright, who knows. That`s when our concertmaster invisibly steps in and becomes a tower of strength and a shining beacon in the darkness. If the conductor`s insecure, no worries- we`ll take it upon ourselves to do our jobs reliably and professionally. We haven`t lost a patient yet. 

5.)  " I don`t think the solo clarinettist ( or first violins, or contrabasses, or, or ,or) is doing his job well - he  slowed down (or speeded up or whatever) too much in this passage."

Why is it that some people who  learned to play a recorder in grade school thirty-five years ago think they know everything about music and have the right to judge what we`re doing? Do they tell the electrician that he`s installing the wiring incorrectly, or the lawyer that he`s handling the lawsuit poorly? Do they tell the architect that their plans are faulty? I kind of doubt it.  My favorite answer to this question would be, " I don`t think you`re in a position to judge that". But I`m too polite to say "butt out" like that and usually try to explain the situation as it occurred. 

These are just some of the questions that we have to deal with. And, to be honest, those of you reading this most likely know more than the average person does about our jobs, so that this is really addressed to the wrong audience. Please try to a bit understanding about it- have a heart for violists, and save me from losing my temper when some poor person  happens, in all innocence, to ask  an unspeakable question.